Are you stuck?

Well first off….let me share with you a secret…I call it a secret because we never hear anyone saying what I’m about to say…...Even though you might not think it, EVERYONE is stuck….At some point or another, we’re all stuck in ways…If you think anyone has any idea what they are doing in this world, let me confirm, they don’t! Nobody has a clue what they're at on this planet and we are all just bluffing our way around. Even the most together people, haven’t really a clue. Yes they give off the persona that they do but they don’t…Take one of the highest educational jobs - lets take a professor in a science department in a university….He or she might know a lot (not everything) about science but ask them to make a Tik Tok or change the tyre of a camper van and they might be just be as stuck as me or you.

Me as a serious Tik Toking professor 🤣

See somewhere along the path of life and particularly as our society has developed we have found ourselves with a lot of people who can often ‘seem’ to have it all together. They ‘seem’ to know what they are about and often are very quick to tell us the in’s and out’s of their great successes. You know the type of people I’m talking about here….They usually lead with statements about their jobs being so busy and how they’re just back from some swanky holiday…In a breathe we are instantly engaged yet left feeling nauseous as we think to ourselves ‘how is my life gone so wrong’….and that thought quickly being followed by ‘oh my god, I’m so stuck in my life….I need to have what they have’….that’s the ideal….but is it really? And my big thought to you is…what these people are proclaiming… is it really that perfect do you think? ….It’s all just stuff isn’t it?…You can't bring it with you can you? As the famous line goes, ‘shrouds have no pockets’. Yes it is important to be happy but what does happiness mean to you? Does it mean bragging about your work and your holidays? For me….that is a total no go areaIt’s nice to share parts of our lives with each other but I don’t like braggers…I actually hold very little time for them if I’m honest. I’ll smile and listen but I will do my best to spend as little time with people of this nature because I never feel the better of them…I would rather talk about day to day stuff with someone that sees the big picture than be left feeling unworthy and not enough in the presence of someone who ‘seems’ not to be ever stuck. Let me put it this way, I’d prefer to sit with a friend who said they were stuck with something than sit with those who think happiness lies in bragging about stuff and more often than not, people who never wish or want to share their weaknesses. See the world has progressed in a way that often leaves us feeling like we are not enough. And in turn, that we are in someway stuck. Stuck whether it’s in a relationship, stuck in our careers, stuck in a family situation, stuck in a friendship, stuck in grief, stuck in loneliness, stuck in life….and we are constantly be reminded of all the things we could have & all the areas in which we need to improve. You know that line….the grass is always greener on the other side. And yes it does look greener when being described by someone who wants you to think they have greener grass. But lets think about that. Isn’t all grass green? I think it is & that is an important aspect we must keep in our minds on when we think someone else has greener grass…. I promise you, everyone is just bluffing their way through life…We are all making it up as we go along…How do I know that?

I know that because none of us have any real control in the big picture of what happens to us. The only control we have is how we treat others and how we treat ourselves but outside of that it’s all down to fate. So yes I might have a big fancy job today and be able to fly to exotic places at this moment in my life but I do not know what is around the corner for me. Anything could happen. I could lose my job, I could become long term sick, the world could stop spinning like it did back in March 2020. If one thing I’ve learnt from this this whole pandemic thing happening, I’ve learned that none of us know what is around the corner for any of us and nothing is permanent. Everything really is temporary even ourselves. And in acknowledging that, it has really helped me cope with life. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned a lot about those who I spend time with and those I now spend less time with. I’ve learned that I’m not stuck at all. I’m just learning and living like everyone else who is in this life. I’ve learned that nobody has it sussed really and that life is very fragile & at anytime the things you take for granted can be taken away from you, even the people you love. But most importantly I’ve learned that stuff is just stuff. And if I meet people who place stuff as a high priority in their life, more important than the humans around them, well I know instantly they are not my people. They are not my tribe. They are not my inner circle. And why you might ask….Well because I know that they will not only be obsessed with their own grass being green but they will question and doubt mine & in no way, will that help me live a full and contented life. No instead that will bring me worry, and a stress that' i’m someway stuck which as I now know, everyone is kind of stuck in their own way. Just some people are more able to able to share their vunerabilities and even human weaknesses and I have to say they are my people. You are my people. You are my tribe. Being able to say ‘hey I haven’t this sussed’ is one of the most attractive characteristics in a person for me. I love meeting people in that raw honesty. I love it because then that allows me to be me too. I can say to you I don’t know either but lets stick together and figure it out. And it’s there that lies human connection. The absolute magic of humans. The absolute reason we are here. We are HERE TO CONNECT and to help each other complete our journeys on this earth with as much support, love and kindness that we can give away to each other. We are here to unstick each other and to leave an imprint of love everywhere we go.

One of my most favourite writers CS Lewis speaks of this deep human connection in a number of different book and ways but particularly when he speaks of ‘The Four Loves’. A great quote from him goes a little like this about connecting with another human; “In a perfect Friendship this Appreciative love is, I think, often so great and so firmly based that each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky beyond desert to be in such company. Especially when the whole group is together; each bringing out all that is best, wisest, or funniest in all the others. Those are the golden sessions; when four or five of us after a hard day's walk have come to our inn; when our slippers are on, our feet spread out toward the blaze and our drinks are at our elbows; when the whole world, and something beyond the world, opens itself to our minds as we talk; and no one has any claim on or any responsibility for another, but all are freemen and equals as if we had first met an hour ago, while at the same time an Affection mellowed by the years enfolds us. Life — natural life — has no better gift to give.”

And that is it. I love how C.S. Lewis creates such great imagery to go with the gift of finding another human or a collection of humans who give freely and equally to each other the strength, the support and even open vulnerability that allows us as humans to bloom. With friends, you can achieve anything. With friends who love you as you are, you can climb any mountain. With friends who see you for you, and don’t just talk about grass particularly their own grass, you are on the winning track to being able to not only survive this life, cope with troubles but you have found true happiness. The gift in friendship is that if you do get stuck or you feel stuck, your friends will help you move your stuck feet out of the muddy waters and lead you back to a smoothen path. They will remind you of your light. They will encourage you to take that next step and I promise you, you will make your way back to freely flying in this world with these magic people by your side.

As I write this passage I particularly think of two Facebook family members Therese Swan and Karen La Pierre who both mentioned a fear of not recovering from surgery and the obstacle they face in moving through physical therapy and how sometimes it is so hard to see when you are making improvements but because it is so slow, you can feel like giving up. And even though I haven’t been through that specific process myself, my short yet intense meeting with Covid reminded me of how lucky I was to recover so quickly while others… whether suffering covid or any other illness….the process can be much slower to come back to full health if lucky to do just that. So this piece is especially for you both Therese and Karen. I want you to know that as heavy as the cross is that you carry, that I am here for you. I am your believer. I am your person to remind you that you can do this. I am stepping towards you and I will help you carry that cross. You are not stuck. You are just in a moment where things are going slow but I promise you, everything will work out and you will get to the other side of this story, I promise!! You are wonderful humans and so many people love you and want you to be beyond this moment. In time, and I know that is a painful word when talking about something that is going slow, but IN TIME, I promise you, you will move beyond this moment & things will be back to normal. You have a magical healing body and with a belief in yourself (and with the very strong belief I have in you), you can come through this moment. And you will. And this goes for anyone else reading this and feeling like they are stuck or feeling like things just aren’t going right? Today is Monday and I promise you by the time my next letter arrives to you on Friday, things will have started to look up. Things might not be perfect or might not be how you want them to be exactly, but the strength within your mind and the love so many people have for you, will seep into your soul & you will find the resilience to keep going. This is your reminder from me to you, to tell you, that you are not stuck….you are doing great…you are doing your best and your best is always enough. Your best will bring you across the line and awaiting at the side is me!! I’m here! I see you! I hear you! I want the best for you and believe in you! You can do this! And you will do this! And you will travel through this testing time and one day you will look back and say to yourself, I did it and this moment will become a distant memory. And then when you meet someone in the same type of situation, a moment where they feel stuck, you will turn to that person and you will lovingly say ‘you can do this’ and that is how the magic of friendship works!

I wish nobody in this world had to suffer or ever feel low…. but as I experience this world day by day, I’ve learnt that without my own personal loss, my own suffering, my own raw pain and even my ever confused feelings about why bad things happen particularly to good people, I guess without those aspects, I would actually end up being stuck. Its the vulnerabilities within me that connect me with you. It’s my broken heart that moves closer and closer to you my dear friend. By opening my heart that isn’t always glass half full, sometimes it feels half empty, you remind me that everything is going to be ok. And that’s why I can be here for you, to do the exact same thing! Look… even by you reading all the way down here, I know you love me. That alone keeps me looking up & in turn I hope I keep you looking up too. See together we can get stuck, but it’s always only a temporary kind of stuck and together we can travel this road called life and together we will always find a way to help carry each others crosses. And that is where our friendship lies. That is where the magic of human connection lies & that is why we leave those who value ‘stuff’ more than the ‘magic of the other’ behind us. We cannot carry people who are not willing to help carry us. They are not our people. They are not our tribe. They are not our inner circle. They are not YOU! You can do this! I can do this! And together we are doing this!

I’ll be your emergency person always ready to help 💖🤣👌

Keep looking up my lovely substack family! You are doing great and if things are heavy at this moment, I promise you, everything will be alright in the end and you can do this. Lean on me. I have bundles and bundles of light, energy, strength and so much faith in you! Dream big. Think big! Believe in yourself. And even if you feel stuck, that is absolutely normal. Don’t forget….nobody has a clue what they’re at on this earth. just think of the professor trying to make a Tik Tok ;)

Thank you for reading this far and for your constant love, support and kindness to me. I will never not be grateful for you! YES YOU!!!!! I SEE YOU! And I think you’re amazing!!! 💖

Until Friday, mind yourself, enjoy the sunshine and keep looking up!

Your friend always,

Lou x