Boats, Lifejackets and Great Friends to the Rescue....

A week of wobbling, tears & the best traits of human connection.

Hello there Substack family,

This is going to be a miraculous substack letter this week. I think and I hope it will be a million per cent shorter than my usual length…and just to give you the background to that statement…..which in turn knowing me might turn into three thousand words but not today I promise…well I hope it won’t…let’s see how that works out for me….

This week I have never felt pressure or emotional intensity of this level for quite sometime as the book is called into its final phase. Did I ever think about this moment really? Did I mentally prepare myself for it? Could I have prepared for it? I have to be really honest and say no I didn’t and realistically I don’t think I could have in many ways….And the reason for that is because I think as a writer, even though you might be dreaming of the scenario of releasing your book into the world one day, somewhere deep inside your core, your innate human condition to hold yourself back from dreaming big is in there too. It’s easy to dream but so much harder to bring that dream to reality.

We all have dreams but when it comes to the crunch will we actually follow through with them? I think for a lot of us in the reality of it all, we won’t, don’t or can’t even because not only are we too afraid but also sometimes the risk behind these decisions are huge and therefore we stay in our comfort zone. And now let me tell you, I do love the comfort zone myself. I used to not be like that, if anything I was the opposite for most of my early years, risk, running the gauntlet, throwing things up in the air and chancing my arm and just going with the flow and not thinking hugely of consequences was definitely my default approach. But as each year has passed in my life and as life kept knocking off me in the last say ten years, I realised I like comfort and I don’t really like risk, unease, instability and chance half as much as I did before. When the boat is rocked a lot and you’re in it, you really appreciate the sea when it is calm and then you realise, actual peace and calm is what I want to create in my life. Risk, chance and leaps of faith are much harder to take when you’ve been rocked about and not only that there is a big factor of being afraid after being hurt by life too. See the natural reaction to being hurt or scared is to retreat.

So let’s for a minute, think of this situation together. Think of a time you were hurt by life or it left you feeling afraid to step forward. We all have examples in our minds straight away. So lets play this out….Say I am in a boat (I love analogies as your know), and all of a sudden the sea gets stormy. I’m not a great swimmer but I know there’s a lifejacket on board somewhere. The weather really starts to pick up and I can sense that unease in the pit of my stomach where I start to get anxious and even a bit scared. I look for the life jacket, place my hand on it but just as I start to belt it up on me, I’m tipped out of the boat. I know I’m not a great swimmer so instantly my blood pressure rises, my heart rate shoots up and with a half snapped in lifejacket I scramble to close the rest of the buckles. I eventually get it snapped in and start to drag myself back towards the boat. The sea is roaring and all the sounds of my fears come to life even though I have my lifejacket on me at this stage. If my rational brain was all I had, I would know I can survive this moment & that the odds are now better stacked with me than against me with my lifejacket on and all I have to do is climb back onto the boat for safety to be achieved. But I am human, my emotional intelligence side of my brain is also involved here and it is literally having a panic attack. It see’s all the risks in a different way to rational thought. It is telling me what happens if you can’t get back on the boat or maybe Louise your lifejacket is faulty and you are not going to survive this. The two sides of my brain are engaged & are in many ways battling each other to see who wins as they recognise this is a high risk moment for me and they know it. With a deep breath I tell myself that I can indeed get back into the boat (this is where mindset comes in) and I follow that thought with action and behaviour to compact the chances of me surviving and reducing the risk of me not. I reach my hand up and grab hold of the side of the boat pulling my self in with confidence (even if it fake) that I can make it. See that’s where the power of the mind is amazing. Mindset should never be overlooked. Even in the most stressful of situations where the odds might be stacked against you, if you can hold the core thought to be ‘I can do this’, ‘I can survive’ and ‘I can even achieve my goal’, you will indeed achieve you goal. I love the brain, I love the mind, I love how we can change how we think about things and then all of a sudden, our fears don’t seem so scary & our dreams don’t seem so unrealistic and with enough lifejackets, we can overcome any storm of doubt, insecurity and the fear of failure is put to bed and we can indeed succeed.

So you are probably thinking to yourself now Louise where are you going with this? Well the reason I told you that story about the boat was that this week on a number of occasion I’ve fallen out of the boat myself. Sometimes I’ve even failed to be able to even find my lifejacket never mind put it on & even if these were only temporary moments in my week, they gave me a fright. I wouldn’t be human otherwise would I? But what I want to share is the gift of friendship and how good relationships when in place around you are so important. These are indeed the lifejackets of the journey we are all on. See sometimes we say to ourselves, why would I bother to make effort in friendship (I have to be honest I love friendship & I love my friends, so I try my best to always put in effort but I know many that do not see it as important as I). But it’s not until you are in rocky waters yourself that you are reminded of the value of others & the value of friendship (and the value of lifejacket putter oner’s).

With the intensity of the finishing line of the book rushing towards me, equally came the storm within my heart of the grief and loneliness I was feeling for Gran. The trawling through thousands of photos and videos on my phone of our time together this week was a huge trigger for my grief. All of a sudden I couldn’t even see the photo in front of me as tears flooded my eyes. I had hit a rock and my boat was stuck and it was also shuck. I thought i’ll be ok in a minute, this moment will pass. But it didn’t. If anything it just got worse and worse. My grief came roaring out of the broken part of my soul like a raging tornado that wasn’t even going to allow me time to look for a lifejacket, instead I was paralysed and I didn’t know what to do. So what did I do? Well like any normal human, I held my ground in the hope that it would pass over me. The grief was so intense it was nearly like an out of body experience. I could hear myself howling and hyperventilating like I was drowning and my lungs were filling with tears, and I was destined to go under. Had pressure to finish the book caused this? Yes in part it had. Had the fear of failing caused this? Yes in part it had. Was I afraid to finish the book? Yes I was! Was I grieving the loss of my best friend who I loved dearly?Most definitely yes! So what next? What was I going to do? Well this is the important part of the story? Was I going to allow it to sink me or was I going to lean on my circle and try swim to the top. Not only did I lean on my circle, my circle noticed my struggle and my quietness & spotted my boat go astray and not only did they put my on my lifejacket for me, but they also fixed my boat and sat with me until the storm passed. And that is the gift of friendship. Those who did this for me, will know I am referring to them here and I hope they know how grateful I am for their friendship, their strength, their belief and their ability to reach out and help another, in this case me out of the stormy waters and onto the safety of my boat. I promise in return I will always help you in anyway I can for the rest of my life. I will always be watching your boat and if I see it rock or sway or wobble, I promise I will be the first there to help you to safety.

So this week has been, to say the least, a stressful emotional week but today draws it to a close. That is the power of a Friday. No matter what we do with our time, no matter how rough the seas get, time moves along and helps us see that in a day the seas can be stormy and wild and in another day, you can return to the comfort zone of mindset, balance and friendship. I am so grateful to you, my reader and dear friend for all the support, kindness and compassion you show me always. Without it, I definitely would not be chasing my dream, fulfilling my promise to finish this book and I for sure would not be moving myself out of my comfort zone. To you, I owe my strength to step forward, the bravery to not being afraid of being afraid and here’s hoping I can make it to October 16th with a book in my hand that many will enjoy. The deadline for my final draft of the book was meant to be tomorrow but luckily I just got it extended until Sunday evening so I now feel I can move towards this particular finish line with a clear view of making it. I also know if the seas of grief trying to drown me again, it’s ok, it’s normal, it’s human and I know I have people watching out for me if I do fall in. I feel the last few days of grief were also tangled in the first year anniversary last weekend. I actually got through that ok and I nearly knew that was unusual. I guess the pain I have felt over the last few days is just a sign of my healing journey too. Today I feel ok again thank god and I feel I can reach the end of this story. No matter what I know I have people who will put on my life jacket and I can promise you, that is the key to life. Life is not meant to be lived alone and equally you can only live a true fulfilled life with people who love you by your side and people who you love too. Love is what is all about and would I exchange any of the pain i’ve felt for the love I’ve received in my lifetime. I would not. Would I take away the storms for peace and quiet? No I would not. The joy in life is only experience through the eyes who know what’s it like to be without joy. Suffering highlights and multiplies joy, solace and happiness. Would I be as grateful for love if I didn't experience loneliness and isolation? I believe not.

What would a lifejacket be worth to someone who never needed it?!!!

Thank you dear friends and Substack family and I hope life is being good to you all.

Thank you for reading or listening all the way down here.

Please feel free to comment below with any thoughts or feelings on this piece or if you might like to share a time where you fell out of your boat or your friends saved you from a wobble? Life would be nothing without friendship that is for sure.

Love and light always,

I didn’t really keep to the short piece did I?

Until I meet you next time at the letterbox and I can’t wait,

Keep Looking Up!

Lou x

**The link to the Facebook Family is here: Living and Laughing with Lou Facebook Home . There is a community of beautiful people waiting you and all daily news on the book appears here too :) Lots of love and lots of light! Keep going, you’re doing great! x