How Writing My First Book Has Led Me Home to ME!
Planes, Mountains, Nests...Oh and a Marathon - not the kind you think either! ;)
Hello there Substack family,
Hope this letter finds you well.
Today I write to you after what was a long and emotional weekend but I’m happy to find myself on Monday in many ways. There is something about anniversaries that just place a cloud over your head no matter how you try to fight it. I’m proud of myself in how I’ve coped since losing Granny and in many ways the book is the culmination of all my uphill battles with grief and loneliness and even though the book signals the end of one part of my relationship with her, in many ways it too will cement our friendship forever more.
This weekend I met with the headstone having her name on it for the first time, the clay of her grave now covered in beautiful stones and the hardest part, the reliving of this time last year. Her funeral came up on my memories on Facebook and if I’m honest I haven’t looked at it….I got a little brave last night and pressed play for a few minutes but then quickly hit stop. I’m still not ready for that. I know it’s beautiful and I know I was so proud of how I carried myself at the funeral and how I organised her special farewell but I’m still not able to watch it and that’s ok. Maybe someday I will, maybe someday I won’t. Either ways it’s nice that it’s there if ever I want to look back at it.
Amazingly the one thing that caught my eye when it appeared, was the amount of people who had watched it. 75,000 people engaged with the funeral and close to 45,000 people watched it at the time. A real sign of the impact Granny had on so many people. A funeral is not something you watch unless you feel close to the person. In the last week, a lot of the Facebook Family have asked me to share the link of the funeral so I’ll include it here in case you do want to watch it yourselves. This sounds a bit morbid but it’s not at all. Like in life, it’s all about how you look at things. Yes it’s a funeral and the final farewell to someone we loved but equally it is an absolute magical celebration of a lady who lived, loved and laughed for a century and seven and somewhere in that, is the magic that her funeral emitted even in its virtual format.
A big thanks again to my good friend Ross Molloy who did such a professional job on broadcasting it to my ‘Living and Laughing with Lou Facebook family’… There definitely was a special sort of spiritual magic that day within us all even though we were separated by thousands of miles, we were right beside each other as we let Granny Nancy officially move to heaven…. I’ll never have the words to thank you enough for sticking by me, for helping me heal and for shining lights all across the world that I could look up to….And even though words will never be enough, today I want to offer you my friendship forever more and if ever you get stuck in life, I’m right here. Whether it is a prayer, a smile, a word of encouragement or just a laugh or maybe you would enjoy me to sing really badly on your birthday, I’m here. I’m here for it all. I’m going nowhere…Well not until at least, God wants me but until then, I’m here smiling at you and wanting the best for you. Wanting life to be easy on you but knowing that even if it is hard, reminding you that you can survive, you can cope and you can and will pass through this moment. No matter what, I’m on your team and I’m going nowhere.
In other news of the world of Lou, life is all focused on the book for now and the foreseeable future. October 16th has always been a big day in my calendar year as it’s Gran’s birthday that day and of course as I announced last week, Sunday the 16th of October will be the day I launch the book here in Ireland. So every waking moment and even the ones I sleep (not sure can I even count my sleep sleep but my eyes are closed - that counts right), my thoughts, my brain, my monkeys in my mind are all focused and obsessed about the book…Can I get in finished in time? What if I leave something out? Will I get all the marketing done in time? Can I get my website built and up and running in time? A lot of ‘in time’ thoughts happening as you can sense here and these are only four thoughts out of my fifty five thoughts that are happening all at once!
But this is indeed the joy and equal torture of being a self published author. The question I keep getting asked is why are you doing this yourself? For anyone in the writing world, it is a normal accepted situation that getting a reputable publisher is nearly like finding gold at the end of the rainbow and another big hold back was that I wanted this book out the minute I finished it. If I was to chase a publisher now, by the time anyone is willing to look at it or even give my email the time of day, I might be 107 myself. Also the book is time sensitive. People want this book now. Actually most people wanted this book when gran was sitting beside me but it definitely has taken the last nine months of full dedication with no distractions…seven days a week at my computer, night noon and morning to complete it and there is something about doing all the leg work myself that leads me- my mad personality- that I want to finish the race myself too. I’ve done all the training for the marathon and now I want to run the race if that makes sense. It’s not ego. It’s not stupidity. It’s a feeling inside me that pushes me to push me. There is a huge draw to me knowing I just want to share this book the minute I get it in my hands….I know the facebook family and my circle of friends and family will want it too.
So why wait? Lower the stakes and get it out there Lou! Why would I spend the next six months waiting for someone to tell me that my writing is valuable. That granny’s story is worth sharing when in my heart I know it is. I feel it. This is not about me skipping steps or thinking I can do this without some big influence in my life. It’s quite the opposite. I have no idea will this work but I want to try it. I want to run towards the plane as its about to take off and hop on board and say yes I want to jump from the sky and see does my parachute open. I want to see will all the mad hours and late nights into the early mornings pay off? I want to see can I change up how to release a book in 2022? I want to have the absolutely time of my life doing it. I want to have fun, fun and more fun.
Yes there is going to be stress, loads of it. But I’m used to that. Life is full of stress in many ways and when you are building a castle to put your dreams in, its not going to be easy. When you are building a home, to live your whole life in, it’s not going to be easy. When you are working towards something really important, it shouldn’t be easy. Easy allows you to think that anyone can do it. Easy means you’re probably doing it wrong. And easy most definitely tells me, I’m missing something. I know this is going to sound crazy but I kind of love when it’s hard. It makes me focus. It makes me drill down to the nitty gritty bits…It makes me want to work harder until I find all the missing pieces of the jigsaw. It makes me want to check the weather forecast obsessively as if I was really going to jump out of a plane and sky dive into the world in five minutes time. It makes me work and work and work. It makes me sit at my computer hour upon hour, day after day and not want to do anything else. When everyone else leaves their computer screen, I stay at mine. When everyone else goes to bed, I stay up. When everyone else is getting up, I’m already up!
Am I obsessed? Yes at this stage I am but that is what I believes builds a really special castle. That is what makes a really strong win in a marathon. That’s what makes you stand out from the crowd. That is what makes you humble and unassuming when it comes to success. The most successful people for me are the ones who stay grounded and work hard. The most inspiring people for me, don’t mind telling me that it was the long slow slog that brought them to success or to their finish line with a smile upon their face. I respond best to those who are are honest about their weaknesses and their failures. I will always wear my mistakes, my failures and the moments I got it wrong with pride…I have failed a million times in my life but this time, I feel something different in my gut. I feel something special inside me. I feel the work I’ve being doing for the last twenty years of my life is about to pay off. I did write this book in nine months but in many ways I didn’t. In lots of ways, this book is just a glance into all the days, hours and years that I was chipping away at finding my path. Finding my feet. All those days I was helping others. All those days I wanted to be a light to those who were stuck and for most, I think I achieved my goal. In some ways, maybe I missed the turn off for my own path in those days yet I truly believe I didn’t miss it at all.
One of my favourite sayings and something I live by is ‘What is for you won’t pass you.’ And please god in this moment, it’s not going to pass me. Actually I know what is for me wont pass me. And what i’ve worked for will pay off. But fate and hard work can come together as a reminder to us all that once we are trying our best, everything works out in the end. It’s not always what we imagine it to be, but we must keep focused and grateful that hard work in the background is like the bird building a nest. Nobody sees all the twigs the bird had to choose and disregard in equal measure before the nest was built to success. Instead we see the nest and think oh what a lovely nest. But most times in life, we don’t see the hard work, the grafting that went on to building that nest and in many ways, that’s the story I’m working on here. I’ve sat at my desk everyday since I started this book on January 5th and I haven’t missed a day at the screen. I’ve taken a year off work to make sure I achieve my goal. I’m placing all my savings into the pot of risk and I’m trusting in myself, in granny and in fate that I can run the race, I can build that castle and maybe just maybe I’ve finally found where I’m meant to be, with my light shining and a smile upon my face and a whole lot of people I love dearly around me.
So I hope as you read or listened to these words, you too might have got excited about where you are in your life and even if you dont feel that same excitement I feel for you, please just think about all have achieved in your life so far. If you have friends, if you have a friend, that is the only achievement we need in this life! The book is just a thing. For me yes it will give me a great sense of pride because I am a writer and it’s time I enjoyed my gift to my whole capacity but the bit I’m most proud of is that I’m working at something I believe in and I’m giving it my best and I’m rolling all the dices and giong all in. I'm going for broke. I am going for that finish line. I am going to jump! That’s the bit I’m most proud of me for. If I fail, I fail. If I succeed, I succeed but either ways I win. Why might you ask? because I’m taking my dream and i’m chasing it. i’m jumping on the plane and i’m not afraid anymore of it not working out. Because in my heart I know once I try, I’ve succeeded.
And the most important part, I’ve enjoyed every second of this experience. I’ve learned so much and my most favourite part, I’ve met so many amazing people on this journey and I know they will be my friends for life so therefore I’ve won already in life. Life is not about stuff. Life is about people! That’s the magic! Life is about joy and happiness. Life is really hard in between those moments of happiness so when joy comes knocking on my door, I embrace every fibre of it! I squeeze every bit out of the joy and the people I love! And also i’ve learned enough times that no matter what you’re at, once you’ve good people in life, you have indeed and for me this is my main theory on each day I am alive on this planet, once I have good people around me, I bless myself twice and count myself so lucky! I’m so lucky I have YOU! And never forget that! You are the reason I do what I do! You are the reason I am going g to jump from the plane! You are the reason I’m going to run that marathon! YOU ARE THE REASON!
Keep Looking UP!
Love and loads of it being sent your way,
Your friends always and forever,
Lou x
Louise you are such a inspiration. I could listen to you everyday, such a kind soul and we need more Louise's in the world. I cannot wait to get your book in my hands and read all about granny Nancy x
Well Louise I love my early Monday morning listening and reading.....such a great way to start my week ahead......this is a tough week ahead fir me and Joe as we get ready for saying goodbye to Ciara before she heads off to New Zealand for a year 😢