It's Not Easy Letting Somebody You Love Go…..

‘We talked around in circles and
We talked around and then
I loved you to the moon and back again

You gave everything this golden glow
Now turn off all the stars 'cause this I know
That it hurts like so
To let somebody go

All the storms we weathered
Everything that we went through
Now, without you, what on earth am I to do?
When I called the mathematicians and I ask them to explain
They said love is only equal to the pain

And when everything was going wrong
You could turn my sorrow into song
Oh, it hurts like so
To let somebody go

And those are just some of the lyrics from one of my most favourites songs….It’s called, you guessed it, 'Let Somebody Go' by Coldplay & Selina Gomez. If you might not have heard this song, I would highly recommend you taking a little listen as there’s a special magic in how this song is sung. Sometimes like in life, words are wonderful but add the tone & depth of someone who wants you to hear those words sang or said with LOVE, and you can literally feel them breathe into your soul. Every time I listen to this song my heart screams for the pain it is in, yet a solace and reunification of its brokenness is met in there too. And that’s the magic. Music can be magic and for me it has a wonderful healing power in it even if it’s just to help me let the tears run free.

On Monday last I spoke of my magical escape to the West of Ireland and how powerfully healing it was. Divided between a huge wave of grief on the beach on day one followed by chance meetings with amazing random strangers coupled with an openness on my own end of working through my pain led me to having the most wonderful few days away. It was only as I was back at home base that the awful unwanted friend ‘Covid19’ decided to rise his head in my body along with the world’s worse strep throat so since our last time chatting, I’ve been bed bound & been left with an awful lot of thinking time. If I wanted to see the glass half empty, this would be my moment to give out, moan and generally blame the world for my bad luck but that’s not my nature. Not really…. I did have a temporary glitch & moment of wallowing & self-pity but I fought it off thank god (so many kind text & calls from friends keeping me looking up instead of down). Thankfully I’ve figured out my present situation in a different way since having time to think. For whatever reason, I needed to be slowed down. The world at large and the powers at be saw me ready to return to full speed in my life without really learning from my break so between covid & my sore throat, both have halted my plans. But now I see it for something bigger. Maybe I needed this thinking time. Maybe I needed this proper rest time. Maybe I needed to slow my pace right down. It definitely hasn’t done me any harm that’s for sure. Yes I could have done without both illnesses but now that I’m here, I realise I could be much sicker. I could be in hospital. I could be terminally ill or longterm ill and then that would be something to be much sadder about.

So instead I realise now that this time is for me to further process my grief & even allow myself to catch my breathe. Sometimes in life we just need to look for the lesson that is being offered to be able to cope with the situation you find yourself in. Yes I know it’s much easier said than done, but I promise you, if you are going through something at the moment, you will get through it & somewhere along the line…..if you were to say to yourself, ‘there is someone worse than me somewhere in the world’ it will instantly give you some extra grit to hold on in your situation & you will come through it. That statement doesn’t change our situations, but for me, it’s keep my mind in some sort of order and it definitely brings my heart in line too. Also it makes me think of all the people who are in the same situation as me as well & those who are in worse. There are always people in a worse situation. Whether it’s grief, loneliness, burdened down with worries of any kind, the list is long….we all know one thing for sure, none of us escape problems in this world…..We might try to deny hard times or tricky situations, but really at the end of the day, we have to face them at some point.

For me, grief and loneliness are the major ones that continuously hover around me but I’m doing ok. I feel my feelings, I cry my tears, I allow my heart to fall deep down in my body & then I rise up and try again. See that’s been my biggest learning curve in all this. No matter how good you are in this life, no matter how hard you try to do your best, life will still come and knock you over. That’s the big picture stuff. I and you have no control on it at all. At the end of the day, all we can do is keep trying. Keep getting back up.

Thank God for sunrises and sunsets. I know I’m obsessed with them but they give me such strength. See no matter how bad things are when you are going to bed, the sun will always rise. And then as you travel through the day, the sun will always set. Nothing will stop it. It never fails me. It always turns up and closes the door on what could be a good or bad day. Particularly healing if it’s been a bad day. And this is why over the last eight years (My dad died eight years ago- the start of my real learning), that since meeting with death & losing two of my most favourite people, I’ve learned yes a very hard lesson but I’ve also learned a really important one. I’ve learned that life is fragile. I’ve also learned that none of us know what’s coming down the track and whatever you imagine, might or might not happen. I’ve learned that letting somebody go is horrendous. But it is natural and part of our journey on this earth. To love and let go. And then to love again. And to let go again. I’ve also learned to live day to day. Often I only live hour to hour if I’m feeling sad or lonely for those I love. Life is not easy…. read that again. Life is not easy. But you are doing great! I am so proud of you!! Now read that again….I am so proud of you!

Whatever you are tackling at the minute, whether it’s a loss of someone you love, a job you’re unsure of, a relationship that seems to have wobbled into a dark corner or maybe life is just feeling a bit overwhelming at this moment. Whatever it is, I want you to know you can handle it. You are as Winnie says, & as I want you you to hear my words from my heart (said with love & compassion - just like Chris Martin sang that song to me), ‘You are braver than you believe. You are stronger than you seem & you are smarter than you think.” And we can come through this. Loss is horrendous. Life can be horrendous. But we can make it though!

For me, my grief and loneliness for my best friend is a constant ache in my heart but I promised Gran that I would smile my way back into life after she left. See I’ve always been a smiler. Its’s my default natural way in this world. If something goes wrong, I’ll cry, yes but I will as quickly as I can, try to find the silver lining & then I will smile again. Why? Well because you never know who is looking at you. You never know who needs your smile. You never know who might be hanging onto your smile to help them smile again and not forgetting if I smile at you, I know you are going to smile back right? Yes you are. I see you. Look at that little smile peeping out! Keep smiling. It makes you beautiful. Keep crying, the tears make you beautiful too! See we need both. If we don’t cry, we’re not letting our heart be sad. And if we don’t smile, we’re not letting our hearts be happy. So do both but if you can….believe in yourself, believe in your smile, give away your love as freely as you can & I promise, even when that person leaves, all that love is inside you and it will help you smile again. And not forgetting those we love never really go away. I carry Granny in my heart & I hear her in every word I speak. Every thought I have. Every smile I have. And my beautiful dad is in my every being too. How lucky was I? And that’s the key. It’s horrendous to let somebody go but if in life, you are blessed with people who love you & who you love, this is what life is all about. This is what we are here to do! LOVE each other & leave a story of light, hope and healing behind us when our turn comes to let go.

I’m going to finish off today’s letter with the gorgeous words of Donna Ashworth’s ‘When I Go’.

When I go,
don’t learn to live without me,
just learn to live with my love,
in a different way.

And if you need to see me,
close your eyes,
or look in your shadow,
when the sun shines,

I’m there.

Sit with me in the quiet and you will know,
that I did not leave.

There is no leaving when a soul is blended with another.

When I go,
don’t learn to live without me,
just learn to look for me in the moments.

I will be there.

Keep looking up Substackian family! You’re doing great!

Love and light until the next beep in your inbox,

Thank you for reading this far down & for all your support,

It means everything to me,

Lou xx