The Moon, The Sun & The Stars....Shining Lights until the end of time.....

Just like YOU........

**Just as a little note to start, I think my writing is best enjoyed listened to like a mini podcast while you walk, drink tea, boil the kettle or maybe lie down on the couch and press play xx

Hello dear Substack readers,

I hope you are keeping well. I can’t believe it’s Friday again. Is it just me or is the time going faster and faster? Before we know it, we’ll be putting up the Christmas tree ;) haha :) I know that was very bold of me mentioning Christmas but you will let me away with it won’t you? In all seriousness, time really is moving very fast….We seem to be on Monday one second and without much consideration it’s Friday again and I won’t even mention the weekends. They seem to go in a blink. Like I literally close my eyes on Friday and open them on Sunday evening. Anyways it’s not a bad thing. Time is going fast because I’m well and happy I’m sure. If I wasn't either of those things, I’m sure time would be going very slow so I’m going to take it as a very good sign that i’m happy and healthy in both measure. I hope you are happy and healthy also. And I hope all the people you love are happy and healthy too. For me, that is all that matters in my life.

Yes it’s an exciting moment for me with the book and in many ways it is the culmination of my life’s work but no matter what, for me, all that matters on a day to day basis is that the people I love and care for are well, that I have a roof over my head, a bed to lie down and a bit of food in the press and enough to pay my bills. After that, it’s all just stuff and everything beyond that is bonus territory. I am very excited about all that is coming up in the next few weeks but I know like in all stages of my life, this is just a moment and it too will past. But what I won’t get again are the great wonderful people I call my friends and family. They are my true blessing. And that means YOU. Yes YOU reading this. I am so grateful for the time you take to read or listen to this. That means you are someone very special to me and I will never take you for granted. If anything I want you to know how important you are to me and you are the reason I write these words every week. You are my inspiration! You are my moon, my moon and my stars and you keep me looking up! Has anyone told you that this week? They might have but just in case they haven’t, YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION! You are my reason for sitting up and writing these words! You keep me going. You keep me fuelled. You keep me focused! And I am so grateful for you! NEVER forget that xx

In life I think sometimes we can forget to tell people how amazing they are. And I don’t mean when they achieve stuff, if anything, that does be a given, but instead, just by telling the people who are important to us that we love them is a very powerful act even though it might seem small. Again it doesn’t have to be a big gesture or statement, just a simple, do you know what, you are a great friend, a great sister, a great mother, a great brother, a great husband, a great person! The list is endless! What I’ve learned over the last nine months is that it’s the little things in life that make the big things. Like the little gestures are indeed very impactful. They might actually be all we need to keep going. To keep motoring. To keep looking up.

The world in 2022 has lots going for it for sure, but it too has a lot of heaviness in it. A lot of sadness. A lot of anger. A lot of hurt. A lot of bitterness. A lot of loneliness. A lot of loss. And it offers a lot of reasons for us all to retreat from each other. A bit like a snail, we could and for many….. have retreated into the safety of our shell to avoid conflict on the outside world. When I say that I don’t mean it in a harsh way, but just sometimes when you listen to the news even ( a habit i’ve given up), being a a journalist for a lifetime, that was a big give up for me, but somewhere in the middle of covid…..I decided, that’s it….. I’m not listening to the news anymore. I still listen to radio because I love the audio communication format but I don’t listen to the news. My decision on that front was purely down to my mental health. I found us drifting into a time where the news had to be made up of the worse kind of stories. And why was that? Well, I guess a number of reasons which i won’t delve into today, because it’s Friday and I don’t want this to be a heavy letter even though in parts there is heavy but in the end you will see the light I am trying to send out…But I guess, bad things do happen but for me to hear about them repeatedly i found that was not helping me carry my cross. And if I didn’t have a cross at that very moment, by listening to devastating blows to families whether murders, fires, suicides or just harsh emotions across the airwaves, I would always feel down after listening to them…..I would think about what if that was me? What if that was my family devastated by that blow? So instead I chose to turn off the news and I have to be honest it’s been the best thing I could have done. In a world post pandemic we have all come through a lot…..We have all had our own crosses to carry through those lockdowns and after all the trauma we have had to work very hard to steady ourselves back up on our feet and in that re-learning of finding joy, I now know and appreciate all the small moves, the small moments, the small acts. See I’ve learned that what we perceive as the small acts - acts such as a voicer note to see how your day has went, maybe someone making you a cup of tea or simply someone holding the door as you go into a shop, they matter! They are what life is all about. And do you know why I think that is…because in those moments, as simple and often as fleeting as they may seem, we are seen. And what I’ve learned is by being seen, you are giving the other person that moment of light. It’s like you are shining a spotlight on them. You are saying yes I see you.

Let’s think about the following three simple words - HOW ARE YOU? These words are powerful by their nature but it is only when their user gives care, consideration and a particular attention to them, do they really work….It’s in the silence of waiting for the response, that ‘how are you?’ really has the desired impact of light shining….. If you create a gap from those three words been spoken to the response of the other person, you are then turning the spotlight from yourself and you are shining it on the other. You are giving the gift of being seen away…. & there lies the power of human connection and most powerfully the magic of the small move turning into quite a big move. A silence. A moment for them to reply. That allows them to know they matter. And I think that is magical. I love it. And I try my very best every day to keep this balance with the people I love. To make sure they know I see them. To make sure they know I hear them. To make sure they know I feel for them. To make sure they know I want the light to shine on them.

In Ireland, suicide has become a scarily regular heartbreak in so many homes and in so many families and my heart is crushed when I hear people so special leaving this world feeling they are not wanted here or feeling like they cannot cope with the darkness that falls on and around them. This year alone we’ve lost two people from our own work family at home. Our plumber and our farm mechanic both took their own lives. Two amazing men. Two people who worked so hard. Two people who always gave their best to everyone. Two people who were loved dearly. Two people who always had smiles on their faces and gave so much to so many. But somewhere along the path, they lost the strength to hold on. They felt alone. They felt the dark move in and they couldn’t catch the light. They felt an emptiness and lost hope of being able to stay here any longer in the world. This saddens me greatly but in many ways I understand how this can happen. We are all only a fleeting step away from darkness and the cross can fall heavy on us at anytime. Nothing in this life is ever straight forward. Look at the branches of a tree and the intricate detail of the leaves, the many animals that rely on it to stay strong, the seasons it must withstand never mind how the weather can damage it at anytime. Take the roots away from the tree and it too would not be able to stand up. It too would fall. We never know what anyone is going through and we never know how their roots might be feeling weak and anything could knock them over…We have lost too many amazing people from our area, our community, our country and our world in this way, and as I always say, we never know what is going on in someones mind. Also we never know when it could be us struggling to say, I’m not ok. I think it’s so important to recognise life is a rollercoaster and my happiness now could be destroyed this time next week, next month, next year and I might be someone holding on by a thread to this world, if something really bad happened me or happened someone I loved.

We never know what is around the corner and I really believe at any stage depression can gripe us all. Life really is that fragile. Joy is that fragile. Your mental health really is that fragile….In many way I believe all humans experience a form of depression at different points of our lives…of course also recognising that many suffer it for the whole of their lives too….Depression comes in many forms….Grief, hurt, loss, loneliness or fear and in these ways, it is how we cope that brings us through these moments. Of course the biggest recognition I give to me surviving and coping with my broken heart this year is two things in which I will mention in a moment. See grief can break you. Depression can break you. Grief can leave you scattered forever more. Sadness can leave you scattered forever more. Grief in its own way is a form of depression. Loneliness in its own way is a form of depression. Grief is the reminder of love you once had. Anything that takes your mind away from joy and peace is a test and a lesson to force you to survive. Surviving like each leaf that holds onto the branch. The roots holding tight in the ground when the storm blows. Every move we make in this world might seem small but to someone who needs us, it might be huge. Our small moves to help ourselves cope might lead to us holding strong and surviving the tornado of our lives. For me I sat with this thought for quite sometime in writing this and in looking back on the last ten years and how I survived my meeting with darkness and heavy crosses, I broke it into two parts….

1. The last twelve months of grief and loneliness I recognise because I’ve been here before with this intensely broken heart. And no matter what, that experience of being through the car crash of heart break before, does (for me anyways) give some protection against the feelings of loss. It does not reduce my pain but like a sailor on a rocky sea, I recognise the waves a little better this time & the longer this sailor is out on the ocean, the more I at least recognise the waves & their pattern. I don’t think I can predict them any better but I at least recognise them…Also I worked really hard on myself, the last time I experienced grief to arm myself the next time round when it came knocking and in many ways I now know that helped. I trawled through books and books, I spoke to everyone I could, I listened intently, I went to mass something I hadn’t done in twenty years), I spoke in depth to my local priest pushing every boundary around death & his belief systems, I then spoke to loads more priests across the country. I spoke to nuns. I went to the Buddhist centre in Dublin to learn how to meditate and learn about their culture and their belief system. I went to yoga. I went for reiki. I went to one or twenty retreats. I visited graveyards and spoke to the broken hearted at all opportunities. Every church I passed no matter its type, I went in and sat alone and pondered on it all. I always lit candles and looked up. I lit a candle for me. I lit a candle for anyone struggling. I lit a candle for anyone who thought nobody cared about them. I lit thousands of candles. I still light candles…I said prayers. Something I hadn’t said since I was a child. A faith I’d left behind. A faith I felt was outdated and often crossed off as a load of rubbish really. I walked…and walked and walked. I listened to music I loved. I listened to music I never heard before. I lay on the grass and looked up to the sky for hours. Every opportunity I got when nobody was around I lay on the ground. At night I became obsessed with the sky when I couldn’t sleep. The grief hurt so much I couldn’t sleep so I would go outside and look up to the moon and the stars. They never left me. They were always there and on the darkest nights they shone so brightly. I still go outside and look up to the moon and the stars. I still am in awe of them and I still lean on them when i’m not sure of the world. My obsession with them continues no matter how I’m feeling. On top of all that I worked on myself. I went to a counsellor to try and break down why did bad things happen to good people. My dad died screaming in pain from this world. I could not understand this. I watched him over ninety days die like Jesus on the cross and it all tied in with my curiousity of faith and why people hold such strong belief. This list is very short to what I could write but I guess in looking back and thinking about this, I reminded myself of the aspect of my story which has given me strength. And that is the moves I made to try find help for myself. The moves I made to recognise that I was struggling and reaching for information, education, knowledge, wisdom and often just looking for people who felt the same as me. And often in that process, it was more to help me recognise that I could feel a heavy cross on my shoulder and my heart was hurting and sometimes all we need is someone to see us and allow us to be hurting. Allow us space to feel our feelings. Allow us to let tears fall. Allow us to be lost. Allow us to be lonely. Allow us to struggle and somewhere in that space being made for us by us, we give ourselves a chance to cope, to resurface and even to heal.

   

2. The second aspect I feel helped me cope over the last year and also over the last few years & particularly in regards to my dad’s terrible end, I am very clear on this second part. I feel in my life anyways, I now know there are two aspects to surviving, coping and healing and the first is me working on myself and the second which is equally as important and integral, is OTHERS. We were not put on this earth to be on on our own. No. We were put here to share the space, to share our up’s and most definitely to share our down’s. It was in sharing my feelings with people who cared about my well being that the cracks in my heart really began to heal. There was only so much I could do to help my heart and my mind but the real resolve, the real healing, the real reconnection happened when I stretched out to others and they helped me find the light again. They shone their light on my hurt and helped me find a way to mend the brokeness. They listened to me. They looked at me. They saw me. They helped me. They held me. They hugged me. They let my words be heard out loud without judgement. They hugged me. Did I say that one already? Yes I did but all those hugs helped. They deserve a second mention. Some of those hugs were virtual and came in the form of messages, phonecalls, cards and letters but my god were they lifesaving. Yes we have a very special power in us to help each other and that is why I love being human. We can by our very small moves save lives. We can heal others. We can give our light away at anytime. By simply holding space, by simply asking someone how are they and waiting for a reply, it can be that small but it can mean so much. The power is in the other. The power is in giving away your light. The power is in caring about someone who seems to be lost. The magic in being human is being able to help someone else. And of course the real special inspiring part of being human is that sometimes we might not even know we are doing it. By holding the door for the person coming behind you. By saying hello to the lady on the street. By asking someone how they are feeling and really caring about their response. We are all fragile humans and by simply keeping that in the forefront of our minds when meeting others on the path, we can make such a huge difference and we really can save lives. We don’t need to be sailors. We don’t need to wear superhero capes. No instead all we have to do is look up and check that everyone is on the boat and that their light is shining.

   

If i was to write a list of all the people who have saved me through the last twelve months of grief, there would be a very long list. To the stranger in the shop who looked up to my best friends who held space for me when I didn’t know who I was, to the long phone calls, the voicer notes, to the giggles, to the tears, to the lonely sobs, to the excited greetings, to the wonderful people who have become my inner circle. To my family; both the tree and to choice. So many people have made an awful lot of small moves to help me heal. So many people have helped me write this book. So many have helped me write my substack. So many people have inspired me to keep going. So many have kept me smiling. So many have allowed me to cry. So many have kept their faith in me while all mine was gone. So many I want to thank but instead of thanking you, I will LOVE you. I will return to you all the love you have given me. My heart is full of love right at this second and I am so grateful to not only know you, but to love you. Please know I SEE you and I will always be here for you and I will always try my very best to shine my light on you. If ever you are wobbling, please lean on me. If ever you feel low, please call me. If ever you feel darkness move towards you, know there is an awful lot of people who love you and all you need do is reach out. Share your worries, your fears and your hurt and I promise you, healing is possible. Surviving is possible. Coping is possible. And HAPPINESS is possible again too. No matter what happens, we are all in this together and we can and will always find a way out of the darkness TOGETHER! And don’t forget, keep looking up. The moon, the stars and the sun are the reminder that once we can look up, there will always be someone looking towards us & also YOU, YES…. YOU… YOU are the sun, the moon and stars to me & so many others & please never forget that x

Keep shining bright my beautiful substack family,
Until Monday,

Love you lots,

Lou xI

I created a new playlist recently for me to write to and I’m loving it…This is song on my list and I hope you enjoy it x

*All photos used in my sub stacks are my own….I took all these photos over the last two weeks. I do love taking photos of the sky x