‘The Thing is’
By Ellen Bass
To love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical beat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
And I will love you, again.
This beautiful poem is taken from a book called ‘the Geography of Loss’ by author Patti Digh. It’s not only a beautiful book to look at, so aestethic to the eye, but it’s beautiful on the soul too…even though the topic at its center is the broken hearted & the lonely. Last Monday, still under the control of my friend (or enemy…actually definitely not my friend but you know what I mean) Mr Covid…I started to drift into bad form as the day moved along…. I couldn’t rightly put my finger on what was wrong with me but like a grey cloud moving closer to me, I could feel the wobble in my spirit as the hours passed by.
It was indeed day nine of isolating in my room which in fairness would send anyone off on a spiral but in this instance I knew I had no real control on how I was going to face that loneliness. And that is exactly what it was. I absolutely love people…and I was missing them. I’m a human at the end of the day, and all we really want is human companionship in this world. Feeling alone or being alone is just not good for anyones mental health. A certain amount of isolation or quiet time is not a bad thing but nine days going onto ten is not a healthy order of the day & I knew it.
My heart knew it. My head knew it. My body knew it. No matter what is happening us in this life, whether good or bad, we need others. We need people who love us. We need people we love. We need random strangers. We need that friendly face in the doctors waiting room. We need that hello from the guy bringing the trolleys out to the bay in the carpark. See humans need humans and it’s so important we never forget that. In someways my isolation in my room has reminded me starkly of the importance of the wonderful people I have in my life. And that includes YOU. Yes YOU! See you believe in me. How do I know that? Because you have read to here & that alone tells me you’re a very special human & how lucky I am to have YOU in my life! Never forget that & I will write every letter in here just for you! See every time I write in here, I write with ease. Why you may ask? It’s easy because I’m talking to you. I’m writing to my friend who cares about me! And I hope that friend knows I care so much about them too! It’s a win win! We’ve found each other on this mad spinning planet yoke…7.7 billion people on earth & I found you! I count everyday a blessing that I have you in my life. That is what isolation has reminded me of but also what loss and grief has taught me too. And see I guess that’s why we have to go through the bad times as well as the good in our lives. If everything was smooth and went without a hitch, we would never be pulled into the fact that things can & do go wrong, and that we can and will cope once we have each other. See we only need one other human to save us. We only need one other human to see us. We only need one other human to bring us back to believing in the good.
As the saying goes ‘ one candle can take away all the darkness’ and isn’t that the truest thing anyone could have ever say? We need other humans to help us through. Whether a flat tyre, a broken heart or even a brown box arriving to your house on day nine of covid isolation, the little moves can bring us from dark into light. The gift of humanity forever has me in awe & that’s why I thank you for being one of my lights! You might think I don’t notice but I do. I see you! And I thank you for being you!
So back to those grey clouds moving around me on day nine….Of course, a lot of those feelings were triggered by the not knowing element of when my isolation period was going to end….there was a serious wobble going on around the lonely part of my heart & I could feel every beat in my chest. To add to the wobble, I could sense a wave of grief moving towards me too & i knew I was going to be hit with flash memories of Gran. There was nowhere for me to escape to. There was no denying it. I could see her. I could feel her. I could hear the gushing of the broken roaring waves about to strike me. The tears in my eyes started to form. There was nowhere to run. And I knew I would just have to let it hit me, take the knock & hopefully climb my way back up.
It was on this day that magically and spontaneously, I received the above book in the post….'The Geography of Loss’ being sent to me like the person sending it knew I needed it right in that moment. And I think they did know I needed it but they definitely didn’t know it was going to land with me just at the right time. See the person…this wonderful human sending me this book was a friend I met through my writing group & also I know she is part of our facebook family now. This lady’s name is Melissa Weidmann and we met only a few months ago virtually through the magic that is zoom and we instantly connected. So here I am, lying on my bed, feeling overwhelmed by grief, loneliness and the bare raw pain of isolation from those I love, and my mam knocks on the door. Lou there’s a box for you that came & a few other bits. You might enjoy them & they might lift your spirits. What a surprise I said to myself as I picked myself off the bed. Inside the box, this beautiful book with all the signs I needed that I was being looked after not only by Gran in Heaven but also by the people I love here on earth & luckily to boot they love me too. Added to the box, was a card from another Facebook Family member Emby, another gift from another Facebook family member Mary O’ Connell in Cork and a big bunch of colourful flowers from my dearly beloved friend Denise….So in my darkest moment of my isolation, lights from every corner made their way past my locked door & sprung into my broken heart. Not to mention my wonderful mam who was indeed my complete saviour in this story. She always has been my believer in everything I do & always will be my dearest best friend. She is after all, Granny Nancy’s daughter so it’s like I was blessed with two Nancy’s in my life in ways-if to only have these two people in my life, then I would ask for no more because I know I struck gold.
So in that darkened moment, I was awoken to people who couldn’t actually physically see me but still were thinking of me. They gave me my light back. They gave me my hope back. And they gave me loads of love. And that IS WHAT THE THING IS. The thing is, in this life if we are blessed with one or even two magical people who care about us when we are low…. people who are thinking about us when we’re not in their presence….well then we have indeed achieved greatly in this life. By simply making a move towards me, these people reminded me that I was loved. Without request nor knowing I was feeling low, these people picked me up. Along with so many of ye who have been messaging and calling me. You know who you are! You are the stars that light the path for so many & in this instance you lit my path to survival & thankfully as I write this final passage, I can now confirm I’m finally FREEEEEEEEEEE of covid and normal service will return ;)
And this is where I come back to the poem at the beginning and I take the last four sentences once again:
“Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
And I will love you, again.”
These lines really hit a chord because they not only explain loss and heartbreak but also when life is being tough….they remind us all…to not give up. And sometimes, more often than not, we even have to start all over again. When in trouble… when darkness ensues…when stress surrounds us…we must remember to take a moment. Take a breathe. Hold our ground….and in that moment, you will be surprised by how many people notice you struggling and how many people love you dearly & only want the best for you. Often in this world, we hear all the negative talk and bad stories, so this is my effort to try and bring balance to the darkness, i’m here to remind you of the light. The light that shines so beautifully in you. The light that even shines in me. And together how our lights keep us all afloat and how together we can keep each other going. This week I was brightened up by so many who took care of me in so many ways & I hope in time I will be able to return that light ten fold. I thank you for reading all the way down here…. and know that you are seen. You are heard. You are loved. and no matter how hard or heavy things get, we are all pulling for you. We are all travelling this road together & together we will all make it through.
Mind yourself until my next letter to you my dear friend!
Keep looking up! Keep going! You are getting there! You will get there! You will survive what you are going through! You will come out the other side! and even if your world feels like it is falling apart, I promise you, you are loved dearly & many lights will work their way around you, until you feel bright again. This life is not easy. But we are made of the good stuff & together we can do this!!
Love and light & loads of covid free hugs to you,
Lou x
Three People I want to celebrate this week
Representing Australia 🇦🇺 & all its goodness, I present to you Marian Edmunds…She’s just started her own substack….you will find it here & jump on that list folks. Congratulations also to Marian for being nominated in the short list for the Furphy Open Short Story competition in OZ! So proud and thrilled for you Marian 🥰 Woohoo!
Second on my list this week, is Minnesota’s 🇺🇸 very own spiritual writer Molly Ovenden 🥳 Molly has released her very first book called ‘Closer - Spiritual Reflections for Writers & Thinkers’. A beautiful book by a beautiful soul! Make sure to connect with Molly on her Instagram here. Wohoo!
Finally & by no means last, we’ve got Ireland’s 🇮🇪 own Elaine Baxter. Elaine just lives down the road from me & is a wonderful woman when it comes to so much. From dropping vitamins to my door on hearing I had covid to running her own workshop this week on overcoming obstacles through Breathe Work, Elaine is a little diamond & you can follow Elaine’s story here: Wohoo!!
Until Monday’s letter, mind yourselves & thanks a mil for all your support x
Lovely listen at 6.30am waiting for the day to start. Great to hear your feeling better x
I just popped on here to catch up and got a surprise. Thanks Lou. Glad you are back
out in the world. ❤️🫖🎉