We Must Be Strong and Take Ourselves Out of Bad Situations!
Finding our true tribe is not easy but it is very much worth it!
**Extra bonus material in the audio recording above - just hit play - I promise it’s worth listening to ;)
Have you ever found yourself in a situation with people who as you walk away from them, make you feel less in yourself? Or maybe drain you of all your good energy by simply being a personality that sees the bad in the world or maybe talks bad of others? These are just two examples but as we all know there are lots of different types of people out there who simply are not good for us - mentally, emotionally or even physically sometimes. Are there people in your circle, in your family, or around you that are bringing bad energy to your table, yet you still sit there? This post is especially for you! If you are struggling with ‘family’ members who belittle you or ‘friends’ who maybe are making your life much harder than it needs to be….I am writing this post especially for you!
This post is all about walking away from people who are not good for us. I have very strong feelings on this topic because in the last number of years, I’ve learned the hard way, that no matter how many chances you give someone, if their motive is driven by a selfish need to reaffirm their own belief system in how they treat someone, well then it is up to me, and me alone, to walk away. I must lift my feet and move. No amount of thinking about this person or self analysis is going to change their behaviour so instead I had to become brave inside myself and walk away. And what I can tell you now with passion, is that it was the best move I’ve ever made. From that moment on, I now sense people out. I leave my heart open to everyone but once I’ve sensed bad energy creeping in, I swiftly and smoothly leave them for someone else to entertain. I cannot carry people who move close to me to drain me. Nope that was the old me, and once I made that distinct change in my mindset, there has been no going back. This article is for you if you are reading this and you are thinking of someone who is draining you of being you. You deserve better. You deserve the best! And the only person who is going to give you that is YOU! You must choose and step closer to those who love you, who see you and who ultimately care about your wellbeing. It is our responsibility to equally give and take. We cannot take, take and take and expect to have good people around us. No instead, we must wisely choose our inner circle, our tribe and if someone is at your table and is causing ill feeling or laying burdens of hurt on others, it’s time to take you out of those situations! Make the move. You will never regret it and I promise you, by staying in it, you are handing over time on this earth to someone who would not think twice about you. Move. Be Brave! SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GOOD & LET THE BAD OUT THE DOOR!
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We Must Be Strong and Take Ourselves Out of Bad Situations!
I’ve literally just finished a live stream on my Facebook Page and it is now my inspiration for this substack post. I try to do a FB live everyday but somedays my energy might be low or I might just be extra busy and I might miss a day. When I do decide to go live, I just leave it in the hands of fate leading me to what I’m meant to talk about in the moment instead of ever preparing in anyway.
One person might say that is a lazy approach and maybe it is, but for me, it keeps me sharp and focused and also has trained me to speak from an authentic part of myself. I speak from my heart and mind together in a really honest way rather than prepping my words ahead of time. Also every time I hit the live button, sometime really moving always arises. It might come from me just babbling on and on and then all of a sudden my brain cells click together like Dorothy’s shoes in ‘The Wizard of Oz’ or often it arises from one of the community who bravely trust in me - and someone shares something in the chat and then the conversation is sparked in that instant direction.
Today was that exact moment, when one of the community mentioned that on the recent passing of their mam, their family are now causing a lot of bother and stress for them and this is creating a lot of worry on top of their grief.
As I share this piece today, I instantly can see and feel you nodding your head in response to understanding how stressful it is when other people in our lives, whether family or friends cause us stress. This surely is a topic we all know well. There is nobody in this world that does not meet this problem along their path and it can be very stressful.
The terrible pity overall is that it usually causes great anxiety and often conflict that is unnecessary. But most harmful of all, it creates great worry in the heart and mind of the person who it is being inflicted on. Yes the line does go that there is two sides to the story, and let’s be honest sometimes there is twenty five sides to the story…. sometimes there is two sides but often, there is one very strong side that really dictates how the majority of people are left feeling. And when I say that, I say it with an attempt to look at people who bring bad energy to the table of life. People who are carrying bitterness, anger, hurt and more often than not jealousy and regret. They can very quickly dictate how we all feel and leave no room for other sides or worse still create harm rather than healing…..
As we think about these people as a whole group of people, I ask you now to think of someone in your life who brings you down….Someone who does not lift you up…..Someone who maybe makes you feel less of yourself……Someone who when they enter your space leave you feeling energy drained or maybe even worthless in some manner. These people are everywhere and what I ask of you this week is that you consider what your life would be like if you weren’t to give this person as much of your time going forward. If they are family, I know this can be tricky but what I would like to mention here is for you to remove the terminology of family from this mindset. ‘Family’ means they are related to you by birth but sometimes not by heart and this is not only ok, but it is normal. Every family has the exact same situation going on even if people are not outright honest about it. We all have members in our family tree that don’t match the type of people we are and that’s ok. It just means we are normal. We don’t have to get on with everyone in this world and if they are negatively effecting your mental health, then they do not DESERVE a seat at your table and they definitely do not deserve to be absorbing all that good energy that you possess. It’s time to either step up from that table or maybe take away their seat, either way it is time for you to be brave, it is time for you to place a value on yourself that is greater than the value you are placing to have that someone in your circle. Whether they are family or friend, it is now time to detach from them.
If someone is not good for you; they are not adding to your life but they are taking away from your life. And not to forget, we only have a limited amount of time on this earth and do you really want your life to be drained in a way that you feel less of yourself just because you let someone take that goodness out of you. This is not personal growth or development, this is personal demise and even though you might feel bad for a moment detaching, I promise you, in the long run, your spirit, your soul, your energy source and your higher power will signal that your bravery to step away will lead you to your true tribe.
Being Brave!
The way I look at this is whether they are family or friends, neither actually matter once they are draining you. Like a vampire; are they stepping in close to you to extract your energy and to leave you feeling tired and maybe even low or in bad form? See if this is the case, you MUST step away. You MUST reduce your time around them. You MUST be BRAVE and take yourself out of this bad situation. These people who carry darkness within them more often than not project their own hurt outwards and in this case you might be the chose recipient of this negative energy. If you stay within in, you will start to let osmosis absorb it and maybe even in time, you might find yourself with low mood or even being grumpy yourself. And then the simple knock on effect of that, is that you end up biting the head off someone you love by default because you don’t know where to put those feelings. See bad energy is very infectious. One person has it entangled inside them and if allowed will quickly infect many others with it.
Thankfully the same goes for good energy. If you spend time with people who show you love and affection, you will very much walk away from that conversation lifted and you will naturally pass on that good energy to the next person you meet. That is why energy is so important and that is why your GUT is so important. Your gut feeling is rarely wrong. If if you ignore your gut particularly in a situation where you are spending time in the company of people who carry negative energy, there is no doubt about it, in time you will too carry that energy with you or potentially you just will go down like a led balloon. Like your phone, when your battery go low on charge, this will be how you feel too. And in turn that leads onto lots of consequences; your rational thought might become irrational, your feelings will get jumbled with your thoughts and your thoughts will get jumbled with your feelings and ultimately your mental health will suffer. So that is why today as you read this or maybe listen to this, I ask you to consider who you have around you? Who do you spend time on and time with? What messages arrive to your phone and give you a lift inside? And equally what messages arrive and make you feel low or take energy from you? And when I say this, I also want to recognise that nobody is perfect. I’ve a million faults but what I do try my best to offer is I try my best. I try give my best to my inner circle. If I meet bad energy along the line, I will apply my nodding dog theory. That’s where I nod and smile until I can exit stage left. And then when I exit stage left, I try my best to avoid that situation again.
And just to re-iterate, my belief is that most people are gorgeous and amazing but there is a fair decent chunk of people out there that whether intentionally or not, will drain you once they are getting what they want from you.And that is their mission. It’s the way they are made. It’s the way they think. It’s not always directly on purpose, most times it’s about a situation of that person not dealing with the hurt that lies inside themselves and instead of facing that straight on, they project their hurt instead onto you. So I guess the big question lies in how long can you stay in that position before you fail under the weight of them bearing their hurt on you. My answer to that is always the same - we can only carry what we can carry. We are humans. We are fragile no matter who we are.
We can help so many but we cannot carry everyone. And we definitely cannot carry those who are NOT WILLING TO CARRY US!
That is the bit that clarifies my inner circle. In my mind we are here in this world to do one thing and that is to help each other, not harm each other and no person - whether family or friend will sit at my table if they are not a good human and if their energy brings down mine. Instead my circle - my tribe - will be small and tight and I will as best I can, live my life in a way that leaves me with a heart full rather than a headache and hopefully I give as much love out as I receive. I know I can’t control much in this world but one thing I can contribute to is what energy I bring to other tables and equally keep an eye on who is sitting at my table and what energy is surrounding me.
I hope this piece of writing helps you to feel stronger in your seat, in your shoes and most importantly at your table. I hope these words remind you of the value you should place on yourself and that you are such a good human and you deserve the best! Also I hope you might just a little braver after reading this & you might take those steps away from bad energy if you are finding yourself worn down by someone in this moment. Nobody is perfect but we cannot sit with people who ultimately hurt us especially since the world is going to be tough on us anyways. Instead we must try create a loving circle around us for when life does strike us between the eyes, that we will have strong, caring people around us to pick us up and in turn we will do that for them too. It is up to us to create a life that leads peace, joy and love around us and what we give out, will always come back. Love is always a choice, but no matter how hard the world hits us, if we don’t choose it, we definitely won’t find it sitting at our table!
Thank you for reading or listening to my podcast today. I am a full time writer and I am supported by my substack community in words, love and also financially to be able to create these posts each week. Thank you so much for being here. I would love if you might hit the heart emoji down below and also if you might leave a comment with your thoughts or if you might share this with a friend who needs these words right now or maybe in a WhatsApp group that might appreciate it. I am so grateful for your time and belief in my words and I would not be doing what I am doing without you being here! Love always, your pal that only wants the best for you, Lou x
My first book is also for sale ‘Granny Nancy - Ireland’s Oldest Lady’ which can be purchased from www.livingandlaughingwithlou.com and also most recently is now available from www.buythebook.ie - a website and business I support with all my heart and I am honoured that my book is available from Rachel and her team at buythebook.ie
Also if you feel I might be able to help you either creatively - if you are stuck in any way - or maybe you need a listening ear and a motivating voice close by, I am now offering two specific coaching services which are linked here:
Motivational Coaching for Creatives & Writers
Brilliant pod cast, I can relate to that,but what if its your mother who's draining you,do I keep my distance ,been keeping away now for over a yr now.?
Good morning Louise..... And look you delivered another super substack,see you are brilliant, another great read, your words are so true & so many will relate to being at that road,, And some will have learnt just like you, yet others will be in process & some still afraid of not knowing if they need to give more chances! Your work, your words, your writing is beautiful just like you, happy Friday to you, and everyone on here, hope you have a great day ❤️xx