When best friends meet in real life......

We all need a friend like Lauren!

If you’d like to listen to a special audio recording of this post, just hit play on my podcast here below & I will read you ever word with all my heart. I really think the audio conveys my heart & soul & will add to your enjoyment of this I hope x

***The first part of this substack was written the night I arrived to Canada

I made a promise to myself in January of this year to make as many joyful memories as I possibly can going forward & to lean into my light as much as I could too.

I know pain well. I know grief well. I know loneliness & sadness well too - like for everyone -life throws it at us all. Nobody escapes the tough times. I’ve seen friends & family suffer. I’ve stood at too many gravesides & had to dig deep to keep hope  & light alive when darkness forced itself on people who I love. I promised myself after Gran left & after the pandemic of being locked in for two years I was going to be brave with my life & in equal terms be gentle on myself too - the libra who is always in search of balance here. 💖

Leaning into the light & looking up - being my theme 💖Chasing the moon, the stars & my joy along with peace & contentment knowing it lies within me & within the people I care about.

On Tuesday last, I took a nine and a half hour flight to Vancouver. I am here to recharge, reset & rejuvenate as well as taking time to reflect & embrace quietness, new energy & as a hugely lucky bonus on top of all that, one of my best friends lives here too. I planned this trip back in the dark misery of January & oh how a blessing it is now. It is indeed everything I believe in - it was for me, so it didn’t pass me, instead it lined up in the stars and I’m here ✨ and it feels so right ✨

I’m a giver by nature & I love that side of me. It’s who I am & I don’t shy away from it but this very moment is about recharging those soul batteries inside me- they were running low so it was time to not only lean in but look in as well. If we look in, we can spot the areas in which we might need care and attention. For me, I needed soft, gentle quietness, I needed my mind to be free of thoughts & my heart needed a moment to slow while feeling it was being seen. A moment where the transformation of healing could take its next big step.

I’ve a big birthday coming up  on October 1st  so this Vancouver trip is a gift to me from me….This trip is an opportunity for me to stop my everyday busy mind from spinning - affording and forcing myself time to take a big deep breathe of air into my lungs which doesn’t have to be chased by lots more breathes. Instead this is my time to take a deep breathe and let a lot of things go. The trip is also a moment for me to thank my body, my heart & my mind for surviving all of it has but equally taking a moment to be grateful for a healthy 40 years on the planet. I’m grateful for the bad days as well as the good because they have made me who I am. I hope I will never shy away from my light or even my darkness as it is the battle of the light against the darkness that makes us human so fricken special. It is our light that brings light to others but of course our light can only brighten when it has travelled the path of darkness & in turn can offer the hope that is instrumental to all of us surviving the dark days and then beyond that along with the magical gift of friendship, thriving once again. If you’re reading this & you’re feeling low, lost or wobbly, maybe it’s time for you to take a break just for you too……maybe it’s time to lean in ✨

See nobody is just light alone. The darkness must travel through us as well. It is only because of the darkness that we know light & that is why I smile so much. I love so many & I love so much of my life & this world. When we love hard, we lose hard too but we must never stop loving because of our losses. If anything, we should love even harder after the losses when the time is right …The darkness calls on us to grow strong, grow brave & tests us in so many ways & even though it hurts so much, it is in these moments that it forces us to choose between light & dark. Which do we want more of? Healing, inner work & self awareness & effort brings us from the dark shadows back into the light ✨ Life is tough & this question will be asked of us many many times on our path but now that I know the value of love, support & best friends, it’s an easy choice of what I want inside my soul, no matter how brave, how scared or how hard I have to work for it, I now know it’s worth it. Because without the people we love, this world would be an endless pit of darkness! The gift is indeed sharing the light out so nobody is left behind ✨🌙✨#themoonistheconstantreminderofthis #keeplookingup

Are you feeling your darkness, your worry, you pain or stresses keeping your light from shining?

Maybe it’s time to let those shoulders down & simply BE YOU. Maybe you too need a break or need a moment to reflect on where things are at. Thinking deeply about ourselves & our lives lead us to change. Sometimes it’s big change, sometimes it’s small change but either ways the bravery to look in will always pay off 💖 I can tell you, once you lean in, you will never look back 🦋

Just to finish this share from where I began….. with a note about my very good friend

lauren deborah | she/they 🌈🐆

who I’m visiting. Just to give you a broader view of who Lauren is in the scale of my own story. Knowing that so many of you bought, embraced and loved Granny’s Book I think it’s very important I share how integral Lauren was to the realisation of the book. Lauren was a huge positive influence in me being able to write the book in that she kept me virtually motivated and encouraged as she too is a writer and we belong to the same virtually writing group too as a bonus.

When I began to write the book way back in January 2021, Gran was only gone four months. And in grief terms, we know four months means nothing. If anything, four months, might as well be four seconds. To think I faced into a catalogue of memories of Gran which I had recorded through video and audio in such a short time after her departure, could not have been done without the support of friends like Lauren - who previous to that moment- did not know me. We met through the writing group and from there never looked back.

To write the book I did, I needed to be supported and encourgaged. I needed to be held and told this story will be worth writing. I needed someone to shine a light where the dark part of my broken heart was not only clouding my mind but breaking it in the same move. There was a million reasons why I didn’t need or want to press play on the hundreds of hours of gran’s voice being played back to me. I didn’t need to play them back because I knew in listening to them, it was going to hurt. For anyone who has travelled through grief, there is no good reason why anyone would ever run back into their memories not in those early stages of grief anyways but if I was to write the book. I needed to return to those memories.

In looking back, I will always be eternally grateful to lots of people during the time of writing the book. So many people held my hand not only physically but virtually. So many people didn’t let me give up. So many people believed in the book and believed in my telling the story. So many people saw my grief, never denying it but instead supported it and me and held me tight in anyway and everyday they could. I am so grateful to so many people who I love dearly and who I will forever count myself very fortunate to have in my world.

Friendship is so important. I actually think it’s one of the most important aspects of living on this earth. Marriage, family, relationships are all so valuable and integral to this path called life but for me, friendship is without doubt the most important one. Without friendship, you have nothing. Without friendship; marriage, family and relationships would be dark and lonely places. But with friendship, it truly is the lighthouse of human survival, human love and human happiness. For me, friendship is it! It is the hand that lifts you from the sea as your drown in an ocean of grief. It is the heart that doesn’t give up on you. It is the person who allows you to talk about your feelings of wobble and self doubt but fills you with belief that anything is possible and this is just a temporary moment. Friendship is the light that brightens the path ahead and without doubt, friendship is the one who believes that you can indeed take the next step without being able to see it. Friendship is a gift and if you are lucky enough to find one good friend in this world, you are indeed very lucky.

So when the opportunity way back in dreary January appeared in front of me, to attend a Coldplay gig around the week of my birthday, I jumped at it. This was very out of character of me, not so much the Coldplay gig but the jumping without hesitation. For the three previous years of my life, I had not jumped anywhere. If I had jumped it was out of necessity rather than choice and definitely not for something for me. But this time I was jumping for me. I was going to do something for me and it was something I wanted to do. Also I was leaving the safe remit of my homeland and venturing 5000km’s across the waters. And all to thank a dear friend in person. And if you know me, this will not surprise you. I try my best to be someone who leads with her heart but most importantly I try to make sure my words are indeed followed by action. I like to show my feelings though my actions and in this instance I wanted to come spend some quality time with my best friend before she departed for her next chapter.

Lauren is leaving Canada for her homeland of Australia and let’s be honest Australia is quite a bit away journey wise. Whereas Canada was very doable - direct flight from Dublin - and as a bonus I get to see Coldplay too all in the turning of the calendar date of my 40th birthday. It just all seemed to be the right move to make at the right time.

And now as I’m writing this from the couch of my air bnb exactly a week after I arrived, a week to the day I began this substack, I absolutely know it was the right thing to do. Lauren is on the other side of me here writing her substack too and as the wind blows outside and the rain knocks on the window, I am so grateful to have made that leap of fate - that moment back in January where I grabbed life with both hands and booked my flights to Vancouver. To being given this opportunity to spend some real face to face time with someone who helped me so much carry my broken heart for so long is a really important milestone. Not so much because of my broken heart but more because the healing phase of my grief is passing through me and I’m now beginning to smile more again and it’s great to be joyful, happy and in the presence of someone who really contributed to my smile returning. And that is what friendship is all about! It’s easy to be a friend on the good days but it’s the bad days that make the best of friendships! It is when the ship rocks, we find out who is willing to catch us if we fall overboard! These are the kind of people we all need! And equally these are the kind of people we need to be in return!

Friends are everything to me. Friends are the door to the good side of this world. Keep your friends close & you’ll never walk a day on this earth without a lighthouse guiding you from the dark. Our friends are the reflections of who we are. Spend time taking care of them. Check in on them. Reply to their messages. Listen to their stories. Fly across the world and hang out with them! I promise you, you will never regret making effort with your friends! Remember the dates that matter to them. Keep them close. Feel for them. Be happy for them when they are happy. Be sad with them when they feel sad. And most importantly love them….and then tell them so!

One friend leads to another and that is the true guiding light of this world. We all need friends like Lauren….We all need to remind good friends like Lauren that we see them and we notice what they contribute to this world! It’s a relationship of give and take and then somewhere in the middle our spirit and resilience lives. And of course our happiness because that’s where love lives too and that is what keeps us all going. Take a moment to think of a good friend who you love. A good friend who has picked you up on many occasions. A good friend who is just such a good human that you just smile thinking of them. Maybe this is the moment you send them a little random text message to say ‘Thanks for being YOU’. We all need to hear it and maybe this substack post might be a little sign to send that message to someone you love.

Thank you Lauren for taking such good care of my broken heart when I needed it. And thank you for being the bright beacon of joy, hope & happiness on this trip as my heart finally reached healing. You played such a huge part of me surviving my loss of Granny and as importantly, you have now helped me find my happiness once again on this trip. I’ve been blessed with such a wonderful circle of friends - sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am. I keep a tight inner circle whom I would be lost without. My gratitude for Lauren I hope inspires you to know that someone somewhere thinks the same about YOU xx Keep being your magic self no matter how hard this world gets! We all need you!

My time in Canada has been brilliant and is now coming to a close but one thing I’ve been reminded of & I’m writing it down because I never want to forget it ———

It’s not where you are but who you’re with in this life.

Take care of those who take care of you, and no matter what hits you on this road called life, you will be fine once you have a friend.

Substack family, if one thing I wish for you is to have that friend, a friend like Lauren, a friend who sees you in the dark and then helps you out into the light! I send that wish with all my heart to you always. Someone who is able to look beyond and see someone wobble. Not only notice them but step up and hand out a lifejacket too.

Life is complicated but friendship is simple!

Until my next substack, from this beautiful coffee shop on Commercial Drive in Vancouver,

Keep well. Keep being YOU. Keep looking up! And keep going!

You are doing great.

Love always,

Lou x

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Also to mention Granny’s Book has been nominated for a CAP Book Award in November. You can purchase this book on: www.livingandlaughingwithlou.com