A Letter From a Daughter Who Lost Her Dad Too Soon.

A Father's Day Reminder to all who are without that special person on this day.

You were a brilliant father.

I knew this when you were alive and I loved you so much.

As a small child you played with me, you made jokes, you made me laugh so much, you loved seeing me happy. And I loved seeing you happy too.

You taught me everything there was to know about loving others unconditionally.

As an adult, we had endless chats about politics, about life, about everything. We played chess. We drank tea together. We love listening to the radio and finding new songs. We made endless memories together and I will always be grateful for all the love and kindness you showed me.

Then I turned 30 and you were gone.

You died and there was no going back.

I had such a long life to live and you weren’t going to be here for any of it.

You could no longer save me from the hard parts of this life.

I was beyond distraught the first time my car broke down on the side of the road.

I couldn’t find you. You were not there. I felt beyond lonely.

I looked at my phone and I could no longer hear your advice telling me it was going to be ok.

I remember tears falling from my eyes as I knew your voice was gone forever.

I was never going to see you again.

I was never going to hear you again.

Grief is torture in ways you never expect until you meet it between your eyes.

And even though you are gone a decade now, I still miss you.

I miss you when I’m worried about things. Certain things only dads can help with.

Things have gone wrong since you left and I know if you were here, they would not be so bad.

I have tried my best and I think you would be proud that I’ve stuck it out.

I’ve fought the good fight and I’ve kept the faith. Just like you taught me.

To never give up and never give in, unless peace can be found by reaching out.

You taught me the difference between holding on and letting go.

You taught me so much and I will never forget that.

I miss you when I hear others speak of their dads.

I wonder what would you make of it all now?

Did you know how much you would be missed?

Can you see me now?

What do you think of how I’ve turned out and have I made you proud?

Losing you was very hard on so many people.

Things happened that I never expected.

People changed and people got lost in your loss.

You were only 63 and so young.

You had so many plans.

You didn’t think you were dying and either did we.

In ways it’s still hard to believe you died so fast and sadly in so much pain.

I am still so sorry and so sad they you experienced such a scary end to your time on this earth.

Your ending was like a volcano erupting.

Most of us found our way forward eventually but some of us didn’t.

I know you can see those who lost their way, we tried our best to hold them but they did not want us.

They wanted you.

Death gives life to those who learn to let go.

But sadly death traps those who choose to hold on forever.

We have done our best and I know you are witness to those efforts.

I know you didn’t want to leave mam and I know you know we didn’t want you to leave either.

But as you always said, ‘We have no control on this life Louise, we can only meet what we meet.’

You are missed on every Father’s Day.

I don’t really think about this day as much as I used to because some years it’s easier to close my mind to the fact that my father is not here.

But this year with tears in my eyes, I was drawn to talk to you.

Talk about you.

Write about you.

Write to you.

You were a really good father and you did a really good job.

Your presence was always impactful and your absence had an even bigger impact.

But i’m still here and I am still full of your love.

I’m still so proud to be Joseph Coghlan’s daughter.

Mam misses you everyday as do we all.

I made a promise to you as you took your last breathe and I’ve never broken it.

I know you are helping me from Heaven.

I’m really grateful for all the signs. The robins, the poppies, the sunsets.

I see you.

I walk your fields to remind me of what made me so connected to nature and so connected to you.

I sit on the Esker Riada and I feel you close.

I see the wildflowers. I see the rabbits.

I sit where you sat and I see what you saw and I feel so close to you.

I look up to the sky and I sense you looking down.

I’ve been through a lot since you left but I am still standing.

Still strong. Still stepping forward.

Still carrying your name in my heart.

Still holding all you taught me in my mind.

I let go of your hand on that fateful day but I never let go of you.x

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Dedicated to Joseph Coghlan.

Died on 17th of August 2014.

A dedicated farmer & a wonderful family Man. May You Rest in Peace Always Dad x

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Thank you for being part of my world and for reading my words my dear reader. I hope in even a small way, I help you to keep going and to keep looking up no matter how hard things get.

You are invaluable to me and I will always be grateful for the time you spend with me,

Lou x