Keep Making Those Small Moves!

Yesterday was no ordinary Friday for me…..no it was definitely a different kind of Friday morning…..I was physically out of sync…and maybe emotionally, spiritually and mentally too as there was a slight change of gear in me as I sat looking out the window of the Abbey Glen Castle Hotel in the West of Ireland….Tea to the right of me and Cliften Bay to the left ….And I was (gladly) stuck in the middle with you (can you hear me singing the song?)…..of course you can….I can hear you singing the song too…and do you know what, you’re a wonderful singer 🥰

So Thursday was a big day for me….I spontaneously decided that I was going to get into my car and drive for three hours across the country to the bare green lands of our emerald isle to stay in a place I’ve never stayed and for the first time in my life I was going to do it completely on my own. I wasn’t going to ask anyone. I wasn’t even really going to tell anyone. I had spoken the night before on my 'Facebook Live' about the magic of ‘bravery’ and the power of ‘being courageous’….and after that conversation, I decided it too was my time to step out and find my courage and apply my own bravery to my own picture….

See ever since moving in with Gran in 2018 I had over the time, become completely dedicated to her. As the days passed and we became closer and closer, I found my own life slipping away, like a tree shedding its greenery, it happened without me even noticing. Friends and family would ask me to go to the cinema, gigs, holidays, trips away, climb Mount Everest (well ok that last one is made up)...but you name it, they asked and asked and asked and as the time passed & as the seasons changed, all my layers of who I was before, started falling to the ground unbeknownst to me….My text response steadily diluting from long explanatory essays to much shorter two liners whereby I found myself saying, “Thanks so much for thinking of me, but very sorry I can’t make it x.” Always with a ‘x’ at the end, as these were people I really loved but I was now in a story whereby I couldn’t spend my time out living my ‘wild & adventurous best’ life with them…. instead my day was filled with the sounds of a kettle boiling, a number of clocks ticking & the soft voice of my grandmother saying her evening prayers.

Yes, it was a far cry from following Coldplay around Europe & singing Ireland’s Call at the top of my lungs in the Aviva stadium every chance I got, but it was my new life & I never once questioned it. It just sort of happened & to this day I have no regrets. If anything…and as I said to someone I chatted to last night in the bar, it was the best decision I ever made. The gift of being able to help someone who needs your help & being able to step in just at the right time is without doubt an honour. I could have spent my whole life on this earth never knowing what I was put here to do, but over the last few years everyday I was reminded I was here to help my grandmother live out her life in a loving and joyful way. And sure isn’t that just a magic in itself. If all I ever did was that, I’ll be forever comforted that I made a difference. See that’s what this life is really all about. Somewhere along the line we have been told it’s about all the ‘stuff’….all the possessions we can gather, how we look is very important, not forgetting your marriage status, the size of your house, how many children you have, the job you work as, what colour your socks are - yes it has gone that ridiculous (well kinda close to that)….and the list goes on and on and on….but see actually life is not about any of those things. Your life on this earth is not about things. No…Life is all about people. It’s all about each other…Yes we need stuff to survive and a certain amount can bring us happiness but it’s not the longterm happiness that we are all pining for. Instead what we really are looking for is each other. Humans love humans.

We might think sometimes stuff can fill in the gap and yes stuff can do that, but it’s never going to lift your heart the way another person can. And see it’s not even a far outstretched idea of blissful happiness in a perfect marriage or relationship with everything falling into place that i’m reaching towards. No it’s not even that. Because that’s not real. There is no such thing as perfect in this world. Instead it’s all the small moves made between humans that give us that energy of ‘being seen’. See life is a big picture but it’s the small pictures, the small moves that make us light up as individuals. The small moves that make our hearts move. This is what brings us towards each other rather than turning against each other. We now live in a world where there is a lot of reasons for people to move away from each other and that is not good. We need to drive towards moving closer….. not further apart. We need to want to help each other. We need to want to listen to each other. We need to bring forward our open hearts…..not our closed minds. We need to want to improve the world and improve ourselves as we step through our lives day by day. How we live now is how the next generation will live after we are gone, and that is a big responsibility.

See humans do really love humans, that’s where our longterm happiness lives but somewhere between technology, the pandemic, life shaking us up as a society, the lines of loving each other unconditionally without judgement & the want to be able to help others, seems to have slipped through the cracks of our human progression. It’s not that it’s not there but it’s just there is so much other noise and heaviness out there, that’s it’s easy to lose sight of the power of the small moves, the small picture.

As I write this week’s letter, I’ve now progressed from the breakfast table to the empty bar area of the beautiful Abbey Glen Hotel…..

…..I sit here thinking to myself of where I’ve come from and where I sit…and in this sense I don’t mean upstairs to downstairs but I guess in ways it too applies...because in life…things change…people change….the world changes…..our roles change…..our inner circles change…..but at the heart of us, the same want, the same need, the same calling can still be heard no matter how many generations live and die. The heart wants what every heart wants - LOVE!!!!!!

Love is what the heart wants. Kindness is what the heart needs. Humans need humans. We need each other. We need to make those small moves because if we don’t who will? The small pictures move the heart. They keep the heart strong. They keep us going when the darkness moves around us. Last night while seated at the bar watching groups of people gather…..I sat alone yet I was completely content in myself. I was brave & it paid off.

Strangers said hello and I said hello back….in which I always followed that line with a simple….“How are you?” And there it was…the small move….I left a silent gap allowing them to fill it with a long or a short answer…giving them the opportunity to be heard & seen in equal measure….and let’s just say, I’ve made quite a few friends since spending this brave and courageous time here saying ‘how are you’? It’s all about the small moves. And now that small move of courage and bravery that I made when I decided to come here has paid off ten fold. It has made me aware of others but it has made me aware of me too. There is definitely a ‘peace’ and a ‘serenity’, a ‘calmness within my soul’, that my 107 year old grandmother must have passed to me when I didn’t even realise it over the last few years. Like the bare trees of autumn growing greener greener as the sun starts to lift in spring, I feel I’ve finally become my true ‘at home’ self.

Broken yet content - like every normal human…the broken will heal but the content will stay…My heart will and is healing through all the small moves…the small picture will indeed take care of the big picture….Like a big jigsaw as you place each piece in its true position, the big picture starts to shine…You start to see it all come together….See something more is at peace within me now than it was before. There is something different inside my soul. All those small moves are beginning to come together. I now realise ‘that’ feeling of serenity didn’t just happen when she left, it was passing over to me in every cup of tea we drank together….in every time we prayed together…..in every laugh we had, we laughed together….in every day we felt lonely, we felt lonely together. And in everyday we loved, we loved together & I now know it is from those small moves, that lies the ‘peace’ or should that be the ‘piece’ that I was missing. And the more people I meet, the more I know others sense it in me too. I feel I’ve never being able see the big picture as clearly. No fogginess. No blur. Just clarity and a simple approach of how small moves can lead you to somewhere very special.

And that’s the reward in sharing your life with someone who needs you. See as your life moves, you start to learn that the small moves make your big picture content. I’m content with the peace in my heart that I did the right thing by and for my Gran. All those small moves every day over and over and over and over has led me to love my big picture. Yes somedays like everyone else, I get lost & I know I still have lots of obstacles to face on my time on earth but on most days I just put my hand on my chest & feel my heart beat. Yes my heart is still broken in so many ways and that won’t go away for a long time but as the days pass, I feel the love rise up from my core & heal my heart from the inside out. And then a stranger is nice to me. And it all makes sense. More healing. More hope. More happiness. Humans being nice to each other. You being nice to me is a huge one. Yes YOU…I’m speaking directly to you, the one who has read all the way down to here. Every move you make towards me helps me heal.

Every inch of your amazing goodness shines from your face and maybe you don’t realise it, but so many people love you. I love you! I’m lucky to have you in my life. So many people love you for every little move you make ( I can hear a song, can you?) It’s your goodness that shines….Your kindness that transforms….Your heart that glows ….I’m talking about you here. It’s YOU, yes you!!!. It’s the people out there in the world & particularly in my world that I’m talking about here. You make so many people’s ‘big picture’ magic…..because of your small moves. Never change & keep focused on that small picture. You are the light in someones dark. You are the love in someone’s broken heart. And you are the reason we will leave this world in a better place for those coming along. Keep being you! Keep smiling. Keep loving. Keep reaching out. Keep looking up! You are amazing! And no matter what ‘stuff’ we have or what money is in our bank accounts, our time on earth is limited and never forget the smallest moves can make the biggest impact.

Thank you for being you!

Thank you for reading my letter today. It means a lot to me that you got this far down the page!

I’ll always be here for you with bagfuls of love and light & I’ll always be your reminder to keep going!

Until the next beep in your inbox,

Your friend always,

Lou & Winnie x