The presence of a friend and what it means at Christmas time!

For many, Christmas can be a mixed emotional time of the year. If you have lost someone you love or a relationship has broken down or you’re just feeling under pressure, Christmas can feel a very heavy chapter ahead. It’s not easy being lonely at anytime of the year but Christmas for sure highlights the emptiness that inevitably is in many hearts at this time.

In life we cannot avoid pain, we cannot avoid hurt, we cannot avoid sadness nor can we we often avoid the dark part of life moving in around us. We are human. We miss the ones who are gone ahead of us and more often than not, relationships whether family or friends can break down and what i’ve learned so far in my life, is that it’s all just part of the journey of being on this planet. Whether you are a good or a bad person, life will knock you about. It’s always best to choose to be a good person but there are no guarantees on the cards you will be dealt. But what you are in control of, is the people who are around you as we move towards this Christmas time.

As I’ve grown older (and hopefully wiser), I know keep my inner circle of friends and family the ones who bring me energy. And in turn I hope I do that same for them…See this is the key. Keeping those who are good around you all year round is very important but as you travel through the festive season and beyond those particularly intensely emotional days of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and of course New Years Eve and New Years Day, I think it is vital for not only your well being and mental health but also the value you place on yourself and the best approach to travel through a heavy old time. See for me my friends are so important to me. They are my everything. They have along with my family carried me through everything. They have carried me through many a dark day of loneliness, they have helped me write the book and they have helped me find my smile again. And isn’t that what life is all about. And no matter the pain in your heart at Christmas it is also so important to find your smile also…..Your joy…..Your light within.

I will indeed once again and am already dreading facing into Christmas missing Granny. Often I still can’t believe she is really gone. But a thought I’ve worked on since my dad died eight years ago is that none of know how long we have on this earth. And even though I miss Gran everyday and particularly miss her and dad more at Christmas time, but last year I decided that in my grief and pain, I didn’t want to let it take away my whole joy of Christmas. See Christmas even though… lots have mixed views and feelings on it….for me it is a moment to remember those I love and to spend them with them who are around me. And yes it’s time to buy gifts for them too, just even a small token to say ‘you matter to me’. That’s what I call my christmas presents in my mind ‘You matter to me gifts’…..money is not a factor, it’s not how much or little is spent, it’s a token of saying ‘Thank YOU and I love YOU and YOU matter to me’. For me that’s what Christmas is all about and see the big shift of gear in my mind after my dad dying so suddenly and painfully was the reminder in which step into every Christmas now, the reminder that we never know who won’t be here next Christmas and there are no guaranteed who might be missing next time round.

SO for me, every Christmas is another chance to be happy. Yes my and your heart might be sad for another reason but for me it’s important I don’t forget who I do have. I try to remind myself that everyday is a gift, a blessing, another chance on this earth to create memories, to love and spend time with those I do have. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family around me and particularly my friends. I could not or would not have got through the last number of years without my good friends. Without my inner circle. Without the people I have chosen to put around me. The people who I want closest to me in my life. The people who I place my fears and equally my love in. The people who I connect with. The people whose voices I want to hear. The people who I want to see happy. The people I want to help contribute to their happiness. The people who I want to give towards. The people who give so much to me. The people who give to my happiness. The people who make me smile. The voices that in the minute I hear them, I feel home. And it doesn’t matter to what the news they carry might be, I want to help, hope, heal and remain close to these humans. These are my people and they are my Christmas gift to me. They help keep my chin up. And I hope I do the same for them. At Christmas friendships are vital and they make it a time for acknowledging that even in darkness, even in pain, they are the light that helps you shine like the twinkling christmas lights. I often think there is a reason the light twinkle. My reason is that they remind us that the smallest of moves towards each other can light us up. The smallest message can make all the difference to keep us going. And in being that special friend to someone, life and particularly Christmas can again become something you look towards as a moment to appreciate, love and even embrace in an opportunity to be close to your most favourite humans. And even if you can’t be in their physical space, the voice travels all around the world through the power of technology now and in that tiniest moment of hitting record or pressing call, your connection is indeed the melting of dark into light and the power of that human magic can indeed create a smile like no other.

Keep connecting. Keep reaching out. Keep holding space for each other. Keep leaving those voice messages. Keep loving no matter how dark the moment feels. Keep looking up. And don’t you worry, day by day we will move towards Christmas together. We will take it step by step, day by day and hour by hour if things are really heavy. We will enjoy those who love us and we will take this moment to count our blessings and maybe even a few too many chocolates but at the heart of Christmas is friendship, love and gratitude for those who choose to be our humans and I will never not be grateful for that. I will love and treasure your forever and I hope that we have many more Christmases together & be the twinkle in our skies when we look up and when we look down that we see the twinkle on the tree and remember that many love us and no matter what, with friendship, we can travel through any darkness this life throws at us! Keep looking up!

I’ve chosen a few of my favourite pieces of poetry this week to read whose themes are all based on friendship and with the festive season in full swing, I just want to remind you, that you are a wonderful friend to someone, you are someone that creates a smile on another persons face, you are someone who brightens up the world of another and without you someone would be lost without your twinkle in the nights sky. Never forget how powerful your beautiful spirit, soul and kind heart are and you are loved for being exactly who you are. And also your voice and all it carries is the reason another person is counting you as a wonderful blessing and gift in their life at Christmas. So here we go, a few famous line about friendship & yes i’m talking about YOU in these. You are my christmas gift to me and never forget it. Love you lots. Lou x

Alone by Maya Angelou

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don’t believe I’m wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Hug o’War - By Shel Silverman

I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins

I Knew a Man by Name - By Henry David Thoreau

I knew a man by sight,
A blameless wight,
Who, for a year or more,
Had daily passed my door,
Yet converse none had had with him.

I met him in a lane,
Him and his cane,
About three miles from home,
Where I had chanced to roam,
And volumes stared at him, and he at me.

In a more distant place
I glimpsed his face,
And bowed instinctively;
Starting he bowed to me,
Bowed simultaneously, and passed along.

Next, in a foreign land
I grasped his hand,
And had a social chat,
About this thing and that,
As I had known him well a thousand years.

Late in a wilderness
I shared his mess,
For he had hardships seen,
And I a wanderer been;
He was my bosom friend, and I was his.

And as, methinks, shall all,
Both great and small,
That ever lived on earth,
Early or late their birth,
Stranger and foe, one day each other know.

Us Two by A.A. Milne

Wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
"Where are you going today?" says Pooh:
"Well, that's very odd 'cos I was too.
Let's go together," says Pooh, says he.
"Let's go together," says Pooh.

"What's twice eleven?" I said to Pooh.
("Twice what?" said Pooh to Me.)
"I think it ought to be twenty-two."
"Just what I think myself," said Pooh.
"It wasn't an easy sum to do,
But that's what it is," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what it is," said Pooh.

"Let's look for dragons," I said to Pooh.
"Yes, let's," said Pooh to Me.
We crossed the river and found a few-
"Yes, those are dragons all right," said Pooh.
"As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
That's what they are," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what they are," said Pooh.

"Let's frighten the dragons," I said to Pooh.
"That's right," said Pooh to Me.
"I'm not afraid," I said to Pooh,
And I held his paw and I shouted "Shoo!
Silly old dragons!"- and off they flew.

"I wasn't afraid," said Pooh, said he,
"I'm never afraid with you."

So wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
"What would I do?" I said to Pooh,
"If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said: "True,
It isn't much fun for One, but Two,
Can stick together, says Pooh, says he. "That's how it is," says Pooh.

**With just over three weeks to Christmas, I’m just popping the link to Granny Nancy’s book here: www.livingandlaughingwithlou.com